Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
