erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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