Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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