My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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