his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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