On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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