I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
