I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
