yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
im holly from the hills drunk
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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