I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
