Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
