walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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