I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You're like the curious george of whores
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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