Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
