I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
