Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
