I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
