i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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