You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
