remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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