Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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