If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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