I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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