Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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