I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
