"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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