WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
