I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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