i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
