Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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