Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
