Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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