i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
