Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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