You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
