If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
