i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
