he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We need to rekindle our bromance
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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