if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
