The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
