dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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