dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
