dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
