The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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