Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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