Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
