is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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