She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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