i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
