I just cut my nipple shaving
i think i have two assholes
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
